The Lord of the Rings: War of the Ring review

Somewhere, in a distant land, perhaps a world far removed from our own, the forces of good fight against the onrushing tide of bad games. Striding forward like mindless clones, these evil incarnations rape and pillage ideas from other, better titles, stripping them of their flesh and wearing them as if it was their own skin, becoming a pale, lifeless mockery of what they seek to imitate. All about them the innocent flee, screaming in terror as Diablo clones lurch towards them, turning to flee but finding their path blocked by an ugly first person shooter trying to wear the skin of Wolfenstein. I don't know, maybe they turn round and see Mortyr leering at them. The fact is, in this distant land of fantasy, games journalists would be heroes saving the weak from the scourge that is crap, criminally derivative software and I'd be a knight in shining armour forever liberating squealing young damsels. And I'd be much more sexy.

What is this new devilry?

So, you can see where this is going, can't you? Of course you can, you're not stupid. Think of a fantasy real-time strategy and the chances are you'll instantly visualize one of the WarCraft trilogy, and rightly so. The games are genre landmarks, some of the best that both real-time strategy and fantasy has to offer gaming. If you're particularly knowledgeable then the very respectable Kohan games may also spring to mind, but that obviously didn't happen with the developers of War of the Ring. When they looked for inspiration they clearly didn't get very far and the end result of their efforts is a game that is both similar, and yet inferior, to our old friend WarCraft II.

Being a Vivendi release, as opposed to an EA title, War of the Ring boasts the official book license, as opposed to the film license. This essentially allows Vivendi to portray all the characters, scenes and events from Tolkien's infamous trilogy but not in quite the same way that Peter Jackson's films do. Quite how they've gotten away with so many similarities though, from the Cate Blanchett-style voiceovers to an alarmingly familiar Gollum to an almost identically designed Gimli is beyond me. Still, it doesn't really matter all that much - if people want a real-time strategy game of the film of the book, then that's exactly what this delivers, with orcs aplenty and, as I have just suggested, all the major heroes of the story.

The board is set... the pieces are moving

It's not hard to imagine what each of them does either. Gimli runs about hitting things with an axe and offering aggressive sound bites, Legolas runs about shooting things with his bow, Gandalf runs about casting spells at orcs and Frodo runs about on a coke high selling tabs of LSD to impressionable young hobbits. But seriously, what do you expect them to do? It'd be nice if there was something on offer within War of the Ring that wasn't predictable or didn't point to it being so terribly derivative, but there isn't. This is a game that looks and plays like an aged, worn real-time strategy with nothing more than the odd lick of paint. There's resource gathering, a rudimentary tech tree that, shock horror, upgrades your troops' weapons and armour and there's even the occasional mission that doesn't revolve around base building. The fog of war enshrouds the map and you send out scouts who, invariably, lure enemy units back towards your town, which consists of watchtowers, tents, a village hall and all those other things we've seen many times before. There's no dynamic campaign though - fail a mission and it's all over.

It's all so terribly unoriginal and, worst of all, it feels so old. In fact, the overwhelming impression is that this is a WarCraft II Lord of the Rings mod, with a few half-decent voice actors drafted in and some pretty backdrops put together. All right, I admit, the graphics aren't all that bad, but they're certainly nothing to write home about and the camera doesn't zoom out as far as it should do. It rotates by a few degrees each side, but this is of no real help and certainly doesn't impress. The scale and appearance of units and buildings is rather cartoonish and this is not a game possessed of any distinct graphical style or atmosphere.

All shall fade

So what does War of the Ring offer? Well, in its defence, it's not terrible. Not at all. Each mission usually involves an objective that's somewhat further removed from standard base building/tank rush tactics, although these inevitably fall into the pattern of just extending the traditional real-time strategy dynamic in an ever so slightly different way. The pathfinding, also, isn't anywhere near as rubbish as in many other examples of the genre.

Far too much of the combat boils down to battles of attrition though and economic might rules more than tactical ability. Any subtlety or nuance is lost when battle rears its head, as units become enmeshed with each other and trying to pull them out of a scrap and micromanage them is like trying to get a urine sample from a goldfish.

The end of all things

If you absolutely must own everything that has spawned from the explosive, all-conquering Rings phenomenon (and it certainly seems to me like a hell of a lot of people want to), then there are far worse games out there than War of the Ring. It may not boast the gorgeous visual style of the films, but the Balrog still looks like a Balrog, Gandalf could still fit the contents of an aviary amongst his facial growth and Legolas is still a self-satisfied ponce. However, this is a game with very little to offer anyone who's a fan of the real-time strategy genre or who is looking for something significantly original.

This game is the uninspired, lifeless man in an anorak who you were forced to sit next to on an Intercity train one day. He had lots to tell you but, God, he was dull, much like one of the lifeless lurchers I mentioned above. Don't play this game and repeat such an experience and, should you be a squealing damsel forever in my debt, kisses do count as appropriate payment.